Bedtime Battles? How to Stay Calm When Your Child Melts Down
Bedtimes are rough.
She kicked and screamed. I was beyond myself—exhausted, frustrated, unsure what to do. I just wanted to go to bed!
First, let’s normalize this: Parenting is messy, confusing, painful, and sometimes scary. You are not alone. Read that again: You are not alone.
Understanding Your Child’s Brain
Children’s brains don’t even begin developing the prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for logic, impulse control, and problem-solving) until about age 7—and it’s not fully developed until around 25.
That means young children don’t have the capacity for:
Foresight (thinking ahead or considering consequences)
Understanding cause and effect
Impulse control and delayed gratification
Following multi-step directions
Empathizing with how their actions impact others
So the kicking, screaming, and what seems like irrational behavior actually make sense from a brain development perspective.
And if you have a teenager, their brain is undergoing massive reconstruction, pruning old pathways, and rewiring for adulthood. (Check out Brainstorm by Dan Siegel if you want to dive deeper.)
The Power of the Pause
Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and neurologist, gave us one of the most profound contributions to psychology:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
In parenting, this space—the pause—is where we reclaim our power. Our child’s meltdown may trigger frustration, but we are at choice with how we respond.
How to Use the Pause Button in Parenting
Before reacting, take three simple steps:
Hand to heart – A gentle physical reminder to pause.
Deep breath – This signals safety to your nervous system and activates the vagus nerve, helping shift your body out of fight-or-flight mode.
Set your intention – Ask yourself: What is needed in this moment?
Do I need to connect with my child?
Do I need to bring in playfulness?
Do I need to hold a boundary with love?
Do I need to guide and teach?
Do I simply need to breathe and regulate myself first?
Getting clear on your intention takes practice, but the more you use the pause, the more you train your body and mind to respond with awareness rather than reaction.
Parenting With Intention
The next time your child has a meltdown, remember Viktor Frankl’s wisdom. You are at choice. The pause gives you space to decide how to show up.
Parenting is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re struggling with these moments and need support, let’s work together. Book a Discovery Call today—I’d love to support you.
