No Social Media Before 16: But What If I Already Allowed It?
Parents, I implore you to keep reading. All. The. Way. To. The. End.
Parenting in today’s digital world means navigating challenges we’ve never faced ourselves. It’s no wonder I often hear this concern:
"But I already allowed my child to ______ (fill in the blank). What do I do now?"
Here’s the good news: No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and that’s okay. What our kids need isn’t perfection. They need us—humans, not robots—who learn and grow alongside them.
Mistakes with social media can range from small to significant, but here’s the truth: You have a choice to make today.
Shame vs. Guilt: A Powerful Shift
When mistakes happen, the shame cycle tempts us to stay stuck:
“It’s all my fault.”
“I’m the worst parent ever.”
“Why did I ever do that? I should’ve known better.”
Shame keeps us spiraling in self-blame, without change or growth. But there’s a better way: shifting from shame to guilt.
Here’s the difference:
Shame says: “I’m a bad parent.”
Guilt says: “I made a mistake, and I can do better.”
When we embrace guilt, we can reflect on our actions, feel sad or frustrated about the consequences, and take steps to create change.
The Power of Guilt
For example, a parent might think:
"I’m so sad that Alex is experiencing cyberbullying and struggling with his mental health. I wish I had waited until he was 16 to allow social media. But now, I can choose to do something about it."
This shift in mindset is empowering. You can acknowledge the past, learn from it, and take action to support your child moving forward.
Start with Ownership
The first step is owning your mistake—both to yourself and to your child.
You might say:
"I love you so much, and I think we need to do something different. What do you think?"
This models accountability and shows your child that everyone, even parents, can learn and grow. It’s a powerful lesson in humility and resilience.
When It Feels Overwhelming
It’s hard to see a clear path forward when your child is struggling with the consequences of digital use—whether it’s social media, YouTube, or an iPhone gifted too early. You may feel:
Overwhelmed
Lonely
Devastated
These feelings are valid. But once you’ve:
Acknowledged the problem,
Chosen to make a change, and
Owned your mistake with your child…
…it’s time to consider the next step: a digital reset.
Take a Break
Consider taking a break from the specific digital struggle, whether it’s social media, YouTube, or another platform.
When your teen pushes back, melts down, or asks all the questions (and they will, because they’re human), respond with love and clarity:
"I love you. This isn’t a punishment. I just think we need a break to recalibrate our values and habits."
This reset won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. It gives both you and your child the space to reconnect with your family’s priorities.
Be Brave
Parenting takes bravery—especially when it comes to admitting mistakes and making tough pivots. But here’s the beauty of it: when your kids see you model courage and accountability, they learn to do the same.
Need Support?
If you’re struggling to implement a digital reset, I recommend checking out Reset Your Child’s Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley. This book provides an excellent step-by-step guide to help your family manage screen time and reclaim balance.
And if you’d like personalized support, reach out to book your Discovery Call with me, Coach Tina. Together, we can create a plan that works for your unique family.
Cheering you on,
🥳 Coach Tina
Your Positive Parenting Coach & Educator
New Horizons Parenting Solutions
